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Scene: third car of the C train, 8 pm-ish, October 31st. A twenty-something guy shuffles aboard, wearing a full-body penis costume (the testicles are somewhere around his shins). He calmly sits down and starts texting.


The elderly lady to my left who reminds me a little of Lovey Howell: (in a loud, unsubtle whisper) Is...is he supposed to be an autumn squash?

Her be-cardiganed husband: ....

Me: (crams entire fist in my mouth to muffle the rib-cracking laughter)

Mr. Howell: Uh...no, dear.


*note -- I almost never take the C, so I can't really say whether or not roaming dudebro penii are an everyday occurrence on that line. Oh lordy do I hope it was a Halloween thing.

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