two mutton pills and a stein of mead

Greetings, friends! I bring you glad tidings from Pennsylvania, land of virtue, liberty, independence and cows. Many, many cows. Now be quiet and pay attention, for I have compiled a brief, truncated list of reasons why zebraljb is the ginchiest:

-I hadn't even put a toe over her threshold before we'd already discussed, in great detail, which type of hammock would be the least comfortable for JC to lie in naked while Nick Carter paints his portrait. (Our final decision: the mesh-y, rope-y kind. Because ouch.)
-She keeps Laura Ingalls Wilder books in her master bathroom.
-She is fiercely protective of her unopened, ten year old box of Nsync fruit snacks.
-She didn't laugh at me when I flipped out and bought a lifetime supply of Amish jam. (I walk on the wild side.)
-She made sure to lovingly arrange her Nsync bobbleheads so that they were basically staring straight at my face while I slept. Which wasn't creepy. At all.
-She is not above using her son's action figures to create obscene, horrifying tableaus with said bobbleheads.
-Her town has an actual Zombie Disaster Preparedness store. Really. And as far as I can tell, it's not meant to be ironic.
-She's directly responsible for my first genuine Justin Moment in years. Her and that damn super slo-mo button.

And another thing--what's the deal with non-city folk having more than sixteen square feet of living space and not pushing and shoving each other all the time and actually going to church on Sunday mornings? Am I the only one who didn't know about this?!?! *boggles*