The NYPD, man.

There's nothing quite like stepping off the F train at the end of a long, hard day, getting waylaid by the glut of news vans and overly perky anchorpeople that have completely taken over the block next to yours and then finding out that this happened:

NYPD Officer Charged in Conspiracy to Kidnap, Torture, Rape and Cannibalize 100 Women

I. I just. It's not enough that we're a stone's throw away from a Romney presidency--now I have to worry about the guy next door trying to eat me?!?!

Honestly, I don't know which is worse.