i am my own rainbow

[brandywine28]

Packing, packing...

Oh my God, I just remembered the stupidest thing. A nugget of embarrassment from moving days past. This was back when I still expected everyone everywhere to find me adorable, always, so I'm guessing I was around nineteen or so? One of my first moves. Anyway. I had a lot of books, enough to fill up over a dozen boxes, easily, and somehow I decided it'd be the best idea ever to label each and every one of them 'Very Important Pornography, Box #? of [however many]' (because this was long enough ago that porn was still a tangible thing you had to walk into a store to buy, yes, I am older than dirt, thank you for noticing).

It took me weeks to sort out which books were in which boxes. Much annoyance. Many hours wasted. Also, I'm pretty sure the moving men thought I was insane rather than, y'know. Winsome and droll. Which, point.

I'm not gonna be doing that this time around. I'm, like, 97% sure.

I keep falling into these prolonged, grey-ish funks and then popping back out of them at the drop of a hat when it occurs to me that, hey, this isn't happening because of anything I did. It's not 'cos I'm some deadbeat, you know, one of those people who's always sweatily promising everyone that the check is in the mail. It's not my fault at all! I'm the one getting screwed over here! Me!

...I don't know, though. Is that really something to get all elated over? I have a knack for squee, I know, but this squee feels kind of...misplaced? Like I'm setting the bar really low for myself.

And -- ugh. Why can't I stop whining? I swear, I've had about a hundred small-but-good things happen to me over the last couple of years, and I haven't felt the need to talk about any of them in public! I can't believe this is what it took to push me into sharing mode. Whatever, just ignore me (she says, hitting the 'post' button with decisive finality.)

Comments

[pensnest]

Just don't put more books into a box than you can lift.

It seems entirely reasonable that you're glad *you* didn't screw up, that it's someone else's fault you have to go through all this tediousness. Plus, well known fact, complainers are much more likely to put it in writing than praisers!

(Praisers? Is that a word? Vocabulary, you have failed me.)

[brandywine28.livejournal.com]

Praisers! I like it! 'Tis a perfectly cromulent word, I say!

(Also, thank you.)

[sperrywink]

Set the bar low and praise yourself! It's worth the "feeling better" about yourself. :-)

And, ahahaha pornography, you're too funny.

[brandywine28.livejournal.com]

Hee! With lowered expectations comes happiness!

Omg, and I really did spell out the full word like that on each and every box. I didn't even shorten it to "porn".
DORK.

[turps33.livejournal.com]

Of course it's something to be elated about. The whole situation isn't your fault in the slightest. All this packing and disruption is one someone else not you. Blame them, totally.

[brandywine28.livejournal.com]

God, this is a terrible train of thought, but there's something so satisfying about being the victim, isn't there? It's like it gives you permission to mope around, act like a sadsack, complain 'til you drop -- all the things I'm kinda great at. I love it and I hate myself for loving it!

[kira-j.livejournal.com]

im trying to catch up on lj and i jus want to say its made me so happy reading your posts tonight!! it jus turned my day around. you have a funny way of describing things idk how to explaaaaain. just cool to see ur posts.

[brandywine28.livejournal.com]

Oh my God, thank you! I'm so used to getting that, like, blank-eyed goat stare pointed at me whenever I try to make a joke that this is kind of ridiculously flattering!