like a Lance through the heart

[brandywine28]

Awesome-terrible boyband puns and matte red clown blush! My two greatest loves, combined!

But seriously, I hope it goes without saying that these are perfect and I kinda want ALL OF THEM. And also that the name Seven Minutes in Kevin cannot possibly be an accident - it's way too filthily hilarious. Whoever came up with that one is probably still giggling to themselves.

As well they should be. As well they should be.

Comments

[pensnest]

Ahahahaha!

Also, good grief!

[brandywine28.livejournal.com]

Don't get me wrong, I usually think it's a pretty awful idea to drag celebs into fannish affairs, but...I almost WANT Kevin to find out about this, y'know?

Of course, he'd probably just laugh it off. Because he's WONDERFUL.

[eponymous.livejournal.com]

Oh my god, I also want all of them. Which is ridiculous, because I don't wear blush or liquid lip gloss.

But boybands! And the Photoshopped artwork is so cheesy/cute!

Of course Justin tastes like vanilla.

[zebraljb.livejournal.com]

I think back in the day when they had the lip gloss, Justin was vanilla...

[eponymous.livejournal.com]

I think you're right! I never did see those, though I remember somebody kindly sent me a box of the Fruit Snacks. They tasted like chemical radiation in candy form.

[brandywine28.livejournal.com]

The ones that were filled with a mysterious red goo? I'm pretty sure zebraljb still has a box of them lying around! The last person who tried to open it left her house with only eight fingers. :)

[eponymous.livejournal.com]

Yes, those red goo-filled hearts! Ugh.

I thought you were saying the last person who tried to open it left with only eight fingers because those things are a decade out of date and probably classifiable as a biohazard. But now I get what you meant. (:

[brandywine28.livejournal.com]

Haha! Sorry! Yeah, she's wildly protective of her radioactive goo. :)

[brandywine28.livejournal.com]

He was! (Heh, heh. Symbolism. :)

And Joey was "green apple" (totally arbitrary, but whatever) and JC was...something pink. Watermelon? ...cherry? (Nah, can't be - I would've made so many jokes that the knowledge would be SEARED into my brain, even now.)

Yeesh, I actually walked into Claire's Accessories of my own free will to buy those things. My sense of self has never recovered.

[eponymous.livejournal.com]

I found it on eBay!

Justin - Vanilla
Chris - Strawberry
JC - Watermelon
The other two are twisted the wrong way, but if Joey is Green Apple then Lance must be Blue Raspberry. Lance should be Green Apple, surely?

Also, somebody was paid good money to come up with the word "Liprageous".

[brandywine28.livejournal.com]

It really bothers me that there were probably board meetings about this, and a ton of market research and focus groups and they STILL got it wrong - when any fan off the street could've told them that yes, Lance is clearly green apple! Or lime cordial, or - or - anything green, really. And as for Joey...linguine with clam sauce. Which, okay, would almost certainly have tasted disgusting, but it doesn't matter! It's the only logical choice. I will not be swayed on this.

Not gonna lie, I kinda love "Liprageous". If "selfie" has a place in Oxford's, then I don't see why "Liprageous" should be left out in the cold. :)

[eponymous.livejournal.com]

And yet they got it so very right by making Justin vanilla. The world is a harsh and confusing place.

I think what bugs me so much about "Liprageous" is it's just two random words smushed together. It's not clever in any way! Now, if it was, say, "Poutrageous", then we'd be talking.

[brandywine28.livejournal.com]

Oh God, I know! "Mild" vanilla, even! *dies laughing*

(And while we're on the subject of possibly thematic flavor choices...what the hell is a "spiceberry"?)

I can practically *feel* the goopiness of that lip gloss running down my chin, but I don't care! I MUST HAVE THEM.

[eponymous.livejournal.com]

Spiceberry is a flowering tree from East Asia (Wikipedia).

I feel so tempted by the lipglosses, but I would want a set of all ten of them! None of this random business. (Nick and Kevin? What? Nick and Brian would make more sense.)

Maybe I'll just get Nick and Justin and have them make out with each other.

[brandywine28.livejournal.com]

Wait - so spiceberries are a real thing? Wow, who knew? (Uh...scratch that. Thousands of people knew, probably. Just...not me. *facepalm*)

But now onto the most pressing question of all! Namely: does spiceberry really, truly capture The Essence Of Kevin? Is it worthy of him??? (This is one of those issues that's gonna keep me up all night, isn't it? Sigh. It's a hard-knock life.)

Maybe I'll just get Nick and Justin and have them make out with each other.

Hey, I wonder if that's the real reason Justin is vanilla! It blends really well with other flavors, you know. :)

[solariana.livejournal.com]

Cute!

[brandywine28.livejournal.com]

They kind of ARE, aren't they? :)

[wendy.livejournal.com]

Oh my gosh, now *I* can't stop laughing!

[brandywine28.livejournal.com]

Hee! Gotta love those weirdly suggestive color names! (The world of cosmetics is bizarre and fabulous.)

It'd probably be a wasted opportunity if no one ended up basing a fic around this - but, honestly, I don't know if the joke can be improved! It's already about as funny as it's gonna get!

[ullman79.livejournal.com]

Hee! That's rather brilliant, really.

[brandywine28.livejournal.com]

I am *very* happy that these things exist. Yes, indeedy. :)

[nopseud]

OMG, those are awesome! They almost make me wish I wore makeup, but I would have literally no use at all for any of them. (Unlike the marionettes, Nsync Barbies, box of scented lip glosses, lunch boxes, trading cards and other boyband junk cluttering up my office which is TOTALLY USEFUL, YO.)

[zebraljb.livejournal.com]

I have the bobble heads AND an unopened box of the fruit snacks. Ask brandywine28...she's seen it.

[brandywine28.livejournal.com]

Those fruit snacks belong in a museum! Surrounded by a Velvet Rope of Importance!

[brandywine28.livejournal.com]

Are you kidding? They're ABSOLUTELY useful! Writerly inspiration and so forth! If anything, that shizz should be TAX DEDUCTIBLE, yo. :)

I have a few minor quibbles - 1. AJ's shade is WAY too subdued, and 2. if someone held a gun to my head and forced me to pick a cosmetic item that represented Chris's personality, I can tell you right now it wouldn't be bright red whore rouge - but I'm laughing so hard it doesn't really matter.

Besides, you can never have too much boyband swag.

[morgana-st.livejournal.com]

Oh my God. I wants them, and I wants them now! (I have no earthly use for them of course, but still, I want them.)

[brandywine28.livejournal.com]

I'm not 100% convinced that they won't give me some horrible skin rash (especially the blushes) and I *still* want them! What does THAT tell you?! :)

[zebraljb.livejournal.com]

There is a complete crackfic story idea in here somewhere...I just wish I knew how to write crackfic...or even liked it, for that matter.

[brandywine28.livejournal.com]

Who says it has to be all that crack-ish?

Start with the title and work your way backward! "Seven Minutes in Kevin": it has ENDLESS POTENTIAL. Maybe...hmm...a high school birthday party game gone horribly awry?

C'MON. DIG DEEP.

:)

[zebraljb.livejournal.com]

"I know I win," AJ said, crumpling up his empty Big Mac wrapper in satisfaction.

"No. No way." Nick shook his head vehemently. "I was hitting that for MONTHS. You guys did it, what, three times?"

"Six, for your information," AJ retorted. "And you only had YOUTH on your side. I had stamina."

"Well, my best was three," Nick finally admitted.

"Ha! Four! Take that, Carter!" AJ crowed.

"I've got you both beat." Howie stepped into the room, and Nick spewed Diet Coke everywhere.

"Jesus, D, scare me to death!"

"You." AJ crossed his arms over his chest and stared at him. "YOU and Kevin?"

"Yes. And I definitely lasted longer than four minutes." Howie leaned over the table, palms down in front of AJ. "Seven minutes in Kevin."

(how's that?)

[brandywine28.livejournal.com]

Hilarious -- and just a little gross! It's perfect!

"Hitting that": hee. Kevin's a mega-bottom!

Have I told you lately that I love you? <3

(But -- shouldn't AJ be eating Burger King? Or...is he just THAT much of a bad boy? :)

[zebraljb.livejournal.com]

Yes, I probably should have used Burger King. You'd think I would have known better. You're probably not surprised to know that at one time I owned the Nick part of the huge BSB banner that was hanging at our local Burger King. I was in there ALL THE TIME trying to get all five of the figures, and the lady in the mornings was so nice...once the promotion was over she gave me the banner. I chopped it apart and gave certain parts to others, and I kept Nick (of course).

[brandywine28.livejournal.com]

Surprised? No. Delighted? INCREDIBLY.

You mean to tell me you committed banner-cide?? (Ah, well. I guess it WAS for a good cause and all :)

Please tell me you hung it up in your house somewhere!