Weird

[brandywine28]

I found out today that my father's mother died in 2004, and I'm either doing a really great or an unspeakably craptacular job of processing that info. I can't tell.

I only met her twice: once when I was six, and once at my dad's wake - during which she (jerkishly) decided to inform me that the fact I look and act so much like my mother made(/makes-?) me into the disappointment of a lifetime. (She hated my mother.)

So, two memories. One lousy, one neutral. And there'd be no point in covering up all the mirrors and sitting shiva now. No reason to send flowers. No one to receive them if I did. So I guess what I'm really asking is...can I actually get away with going about my day as planned? Or would fixing myself a grilled cheese and watching Peter Pan Live like nothing's wrong make me into the douchiest monster imaginable?

Comments

[solariana.livejournal.com]

There's nothing wrong with going on with your life (or having grilled cheese and watching Peter Pan). It was long ago and it doesn't seem that she made much of an effort to be part of your life when she had the chance. A quiet moment of reflection, perhaps? I wouldn't take her insult (?) too personally. She obviously didn't take the time to get to really know you and I'm sure it was a painful time for her when your father passed. A lot of people tend to lash out when they're in pain.

I am sorry for your loss and for how she treated you.

*hugs*

[mickeym.livejournal.com]

Yes, you can get away with going about your day as planned. Maybe it makes *me* the douchiest monster imaginable, but I don't think you owe this person anything -- much less guilt and bad feelings. You met her twice, she was unspeakably rude, and she's been gone for a decade.

Enjoy your grilled cheese and Peter Pan :)

Also, *hugs* and I owe you back email, I'm sorry, this week has been crazy.

[pensnest]

People aren't precious to us because of the degree of blood-relatedness. They are precious for the relationship we have. This was not a loving grandmother, this was essentially a stranger, and you can't be expected to mourn someone you never knew. You may take a little time to mourn the relationship you never had. Then enjoy that grilled cheese, etc.

[sperrywink]

I think you have to go about your life as you would normally.

Tragic/Funny story: A decade or so ago, my Godmother calls my parents to tell them that her mother died. My dad is all, "Well, I know, she died years ago."

But as it turned out she was put into an institution years ago, but they had told everyone that she died because of the stigma.

Such a sad story for my Godmother's mother, but my poor Dad too.