(no subject)

[brandywine28]

Last night I dreamed that JC and I were sitting together in a hospital waiting room. He asked me if I could keep a secret, and when I nodded he leaned in, very serious, and told me that the "C" in JC doesn't really stand for "Chasez" - it stands for "Chardonnay". Then he laughed, kind of creepily, for what felt like an uncomfortably long stretch of time. Hours, maybe.

zebraljb posted her porn-quel! And it's not just any ol' porn-quel, no sir - it's basically a very thorough checklist of all things awesome and righteous. Jealous!Kevin? Check. Awkward cherry jokes? Check. Spanking? Hmm, only about fifty mega-checks and a thumbs up for good measure. So. :)

In this weekend's brand new round of DO NOT WANTery...I'm going to a wedding. In New Jersey. (cue sad-cartoony slide whistle sounds) There is, however, a potential upside (and I know it's aggressively dirtbag-y of me to consider this an upside, OK? I realize that), which is: the groom comes from a family of uber-WASPs, and the bride's mother is violently, virulently anti-Gentile. She's already thrown screaming, foot-stamping fits at the engagement party, the bridal shower, and (I'm told) the rehearsal dinner - which was held at some outrageously chi-chi, big name restaurant on the West Side where Madonna apparently eats. This woman has emotions. So yeah, again, dirtbag-y, I know, but c'mon! If I'm expected to navigate the PATH train and do the Single Ladies dance IN SPANX...don't I at least deserve the unmitigated joy that can only come from seeing a seventy year old woman shove a waiter into a chocolate fountain? (Rhetorical. That question was 100% rhetorical. Because of course I do.)

Comments

[morgana-st.livejournal.com]

don't I at least deserve the unmitigated joy that can only come from seeing a seventy year old woman shove a waiter into a chocolate fountain?

Pictures, or it didn't happen!!

[brandywine28.livejournal.com]

Gah! After such an epic build up, would you believe that it really didn't happen?! I'm crushed!

There was some medal-worthy bitchface, some truly heroic side-eying...but all in all, it wasn't so much a full-blown meltdown as it was a mini sulk-a-thon. Sigh. I should've taken my gift back. :)

[pirateonthebay.livejournal.com]

Your aggressive dirtbaggery must be a major factor in why I had to friend you. Because apparently I like aggressive dirtbaggery of the type that you possess.

...Possibly that makes me aggressively dirtbaggy, too, hahaha! I shall live vicariously through your dirtbaggish adventures.

[brandywine28.livejournal.com]

Hooray for dirtbaggery! It may not be pretty, but dammit, it's a helluva fun way to live!

And yes, if the epic disappointment I'm feeling right now - because said adventures tragically did NOT come to pass - then it's inescapable: I'm a red-blooded, card-carrying dirtbag. :)

The few. The proud. The dirtbags. *salutes*

[pirateonthebay.livejournal.com]

There needs to be a dirtbag secret handshake.

[brandywine28.livejournal.com]

Gasp! YES.

...except every possible permutation I can think of is seriously FILTHY (way too many middle fingers and "jerking off" gestures, for starters). Or is that not a downside?

[pirateonthebay.livejournal.com]

Well, it would probably be a little jarring to do a filthy dirtbag salute in Lolita. But again ... is that a good thing or a bad thing?

[brandywine28.livejournal.com]

Buh. I don't even know, man. And I must be exhausted, because I just keep rereading the phrase "filthy dirtbag salute" and giggling like a three year old. (It sounds like a terrible, terrible sexual maneuver, doesn't it?)

[zebraljb.livejournal.com]

Wow. And here I was excited to go to the beach next weekend, where there will not be chocolate fountains OR psychotic mothers-in-law to be...

Thanks for the rec, but pat yourself on the back, because YOU were the one saying, 'I think Kevin should get jealous and spank AJ.'

Remember?

[brandywine28.livejournal.com]

Uh...I remember rambling about spanking, unprompted and for absolutely no reason. Then spacing out for awhile. And possibly drooling a little bit. Although, yeah, if all it takes to be a good beta is a strong pro-spanking stance, then I'm pretty sure I'm THE GREATEST BETA THAT FANDOM HAS EVER KNOWN.

Dude. I feel so cheated -- there were NO chocolate fountain beatdowns whatsoever! No Viennese table karate chops either! (But then again it's not like I can say the woman never gave me anything; at the engagement dinner she stuck her pointer finger in the groom-to-be's face and screamed that NO WAY IN HELL was he gonna force her daughter to celebrate Christmas...and if he did? She'd disown him! And her! And her own husband, for being a Santa-loving traitor (my phrasing)! She was gonna disown EVERYONE. So...basically, just picture the angriest, yelliest reverse-Oprah you can possibly imagine. AND I WAS PRESENT FOR THIS. I WAS IN THE ROOM. No one can take that away from me. NO ONE.)

[zebraljb.livejournal.com]

I also remember you rambling about a certain pretty boy being a mermaid so there you go.

[brandywine28.livejournal.com]

So what you're saying is my ramblings have the power to move mountains? That's...hmm...

Gasp! This is just like that movie The Butterfly Effect, and my creepy fixation on merman porn is the butterfly!! (You, my friend, are Ashton Kutcher. Like you even had to ask.)