brandywine28: (squid)
Scene: third car of the C train, 8 pm-ish, October 31st. A twenty-something guy shuffles aboard, wearing a full-body penis costume (the testicles are somewhere around his shins). He calmly sits down and starts texting.


The elderly lady to my left who reminds me a little of Lovey Howell: (in a loud, unsubtle whisper) Is...is he supposed to be an autumn squash?

Her be-cardiganed husband: ....

Me: (crams entire fist in my mouth to muffle the rib-cracking laughter)

Mr. Howell: Uh...no, dear.


*note -- I almost never take the C, so I can't really say whether or not roaming dudebro penii are an everyday occurrence on that line. Oh lordy do I hope it was a Halloween thing.
brandywine28: (grass dreaming)
I just learned that the show Teen Wolf actually has female characters. Like, a lot of them. Mind = blown. Even more shockingly, it turns out that the protagonist is neither The Brooding One nor The Endearingly Gawky One (because if I don't use their names I can still pretend I'm Above It All! It's a distancing technique! HUMOR ME. I beg you); instead, it's some standard issue, letterman jacket clad Everyboy-type who I had never set eyes on until about an hour ago, and I can tell just by looking at this kid that he's positively bursting with standard teen angst and standard hetero yearnings and YAWN. Totally not what I was expecting. Stupid, misleading fan porn.

None of these things are dealbreakers, mind you. I'm sure I'll still cave and jump on the bandwagon. Um, eventually. I just resent being lied to by my dearest and most trusted compadre, the internet. Where's the bastion of sweaty, slashy boy touching I was promised? Why, internet? Why?!

In other TV-related goings-on, I've been watching reruns of - shudder - Seventh Heaven. Possibly because I hate myself. The rage, good God. Good God, the rage. I HAD FORGOTTEN. If this model of righteous, late '90s craptacularity has taught me anything, it's that I'm far too delicate for Hate Watching; all this angry fist-clenching cannot be good for my bones. At this point I think I'm just sticking it out 'til they cycle back around to the episode where Lance guest stars as Blandy McProtestant, just one in a wide pool of assembly line Richie Cunninghams clamoring to get their lily white hands on the Reverend's lipless, gremlin-faced middle daughter. Featuring a makeout scene so awkward the most hardened of fangirls must avert her eyes! 'Cos I think we all know that once I get that sucker on my DVR? I won't be parting with it for a good long while. No siree.

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brandywine28

June 2017

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